Birth Control
by InsightDelight
Summary: ONESHOT. Eli and Clare's personal, super-annoying safe sex program. M for Lemony Snickets.


**Ohhmannn, you guys fuckin' rock. Thanks so much for the positive feedback on Right Through Me. I don't know if you'll like this one as much, but I had fun writing it. Sort of applies to my life right now, lol. Anyway, I'm taking requests - so's ya know. I'm currently working on lovingyou333's request, but feel free to send me any ideas and I'll see what I can do. :D **

**Disclaimer: I mean, let's be serious..**

"Eli," Clare groaned for the seventh time. "Come on!"

"Just a minute," Eli muttered, not even turning to give her half of a glance. He was sitting at the foot of his bed, an Xbox 360 controller in his hands. His thumbs punched furiously against the buttons - not that Clare could _see _from her place against the headboard, but she could certaintly hear the movements. He'd been playing for thirty minutes and Clare was starting to regret her decision to come over. She was bored. There's only so much a girl can handle, you know?

"You said that ten minutes ago," she complained again. The room fell silent (not including the sounds from the video game), and finally Clare slid down the bed enough to lay her head on his pillows. She kicked his back lightly and quipped, "Call of Duty - keeping teenage pregnancy down since 2003," before laughing at her own joke. Suddenly, Eli stiffened in front of her and the game was paused. When his body turned slowly to face her, Clare raised an eyebrow in question. "Strike a nerve?" she asked, giggling again.

Eli's eyes narrowed before throwing the controller onto the floor next to his math book. With that, he began crawling up the bed, a devious smile plastered on his face. "Ready to eat your words, Edwards?" When he reached her waist, he lifted her shirt up, letting it bunch up right below her bust.

"Elijah Goldsworthy!" Clare gasped in mock appreciation. "And here I thought you'd never choose little old me over Black Ops." She clicked her tongue at him until she felt _his _tongue glide down her smooth stomach. It dipped into her bellybutton and slid out just as fast before his mouth began to leave hot, wet kisses all over her torso.

"You know," he hummed against her skin, "you try to come off as all 'saintly' and whatnot, yet I can't have you in my room for twenty minutes without getting jumped.." His bottom lip dragged carelessly against her flesh. He pursed his lips into a small 'O' and blew cold air over her now burning stomach sending endless shivers down Clare's spine.

"I didn't jump you, moron," she managed to sputter. "And I've been here for almost forty minutes, FYI." Eli smirked and Clare rolled her eyes, a small smile growing on her features also. "Whatever. It's a freaking miracle that I got you to even acknowledge me, so I'll take what I can get at this point." The sexual frustration was simply oozing from every word, and her boyfriend couldn't help but laugh - though he received a smack to the back of the head in the process.

Clare gazed down her body; her purple tank top was scrunched beneath her boobs, her ribs were glistening from Eli's kisses, and he just so happened to be staring back at her with his chin resting just below her bellybutton. Lust glimmered deviously in his eyes and Clare already knew that some form of torture was brewing in that beautiful, corrupted little head of his. As if he could read her thoughts, Eli's head snapped up and his hands quickly found her hips. Slowly - because he wanted to drive Clare off the deep end - his hands danced to the front of her shorts. When his long fingers brushed across the metal button, Clare tensed - only too excited for what was to come.

Her teeth caught her bottom lip lightly and her eyes fluttered closed when Eli discarded her shorts, tossing them onto the floor to be forgotten with his math book and Xbox controller. After that, the room fell silent and time stood still. Clare sat motionless, waiting for something - anything - to happen. Finally, she opened her eyes and Eli was hovering over her center with a cocky smirk painted on his lips. Clare exhaled dramatically and asked, "Are you seriously waiting for me to beg?"

Eli's chuckle bounced off of the walls again before he tapped the sensitive skin above her panty line with three fingers. "No," he dralwed. "Though . . . that sounds fun, too." Another smack to the head. "Ouch, lady! Does domestic violence mean nothing to you?"

"Eli," Clare warned.

"Anyway. Where was I?" His stupid half-smile remained while he replaced his three fingers with his moist lips. Clare's hands roamed down to massage his shoulders lightly and his light moan vibrated against her pale skin. Eli's hot mouth pressed against her, trailing more sloppy kisses towards her center, over her light blue, lace panties. When he reached her folds, his hands pushed Clare's thighs further apart and his tongue ran expertly up and down the thin material. Sometimes it would press hard against her clit, the sensations of his mouth and the lace making her want to scream.

Again, her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth but this did nothing to stop the moans and sighs that fell from her lips without control.

Without warning, Eli's skilled tongue pushed the offensive fabric out of the way and slid hard and fast into Clare. He hissed slightly when her nails sank into his skin, but somehow managed to smirk (with his face still burried between her legs) when she gasped loudly and his name was repeatedly whispered from her lips.

Eli continued to thrust his strong tongue in and out at a mind-blowing pace, and all Clare could hear - with the exception of her own voice - was the wet sound coming from Eli's mouth eagerly licking her sweet juices away. The muscles in her stomach tightened and her hips began to grind into Eli's face, searching frantically for release. However, Eli had no intentions of letting her go that easily. His tongue exited her folds swiftly and flicked over her clit with force, rubbing strong circles over it. While these actions persisted, his right hand trailed inbetween her thighs and he inserted one long finger - his middle.

She could feel the sweat beading at her hairline. Clare was suddenly very hot - and very bothered. Her mind was at an unbelievable level of inpurity, and the thought almost made her want to laugh. Ever since she and Eli had begun having sex, the mere idea of ever going through with the whole 'no sex before marriage' thing seemed like one funny joke to her.

The familiar fire had ignited in her lower abdomen, though, and all jokes were gladly forgotten.

"Ohh. Oh, God.. Eli, I'm.." It was clear to Clare that coherent sentences just weren't going to be taking place, and she gave up. Instead, her fingers wound into his hair, tugging at his soft locks as encouragement.

Another finger entered Clare while Eli's mouth worked wonders on her clit. His teeth nipped at the swollen bud gingerly, letting it slip out to rest between his full lips. They pursed, holding it in place, and he sucked on it hard, earing a short scream from his trembling girlfriend. Another finger. Still, the tip of his tongue fluttered back and forth - sweeping over her clit while his three fingers pumped harder and harder into her soaking wet center.

"Eli!" Clare yelled once before hissing words that didn't really exist. Her sighs were music to Eli's ears and he happily licked Clare's juices away while she rode out her orgasm. Clare's thighs were shaking and attempting to close around Eli's head, but his hands held them to the bed. She knew that she was still wet because she could still hear the slurping and sucking below her waist.

Finally, her muscles relaxed and her chest heaved while she gasped for breath. Clare was spent, even her fingers too worn out to play on Eli's scalp; they sort of rested on the back of his neck. When she looked down again, she watched as Eli licked up the rest of her release before places two soft kisses on her sensitive skin. Clare stared down in awe, feeling somewhat complete. The contrast of his dark hair falling onto her porcelain skin was beautiful in a sense, and at that moment, she could feel his love.

With that, Eli looked up and smiled an evil smile before sitting up and turning towards the foot of the bed. When he reached down to grab something from the floor, Clare's mouth dropped in pure shock.

". . . Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked dryly when he reappeared with 'other woman' (as Clare referred to it) - his Xbox controller - in his hands.

Eli turned around and flashed her an innocent grin before exclaiming, "You said it yourself! Call of Duty is our birth control, baby!" He blew her a kiss and turned back to his television, taking his game off of pause. Suddenly, one of his pillows nearly knocked him clear off of the bed and when he tried to regain his balance, Clare used the opportunity to kick him hard enough that he landed on his ass. His laughter danced about the room from his new place on the hard floor while Clare scowled on the mattress.

_Oh well_, she thought to herself. _Boys will be boys_.

**Yes? No? I can handle it, I promise. And please forgive me for any careless mistakes that you may or may not find, haha. I definitely finished this at 3 in the morning. **

**And by the wayyy, if you'd like, I'm on Twitter. Same thing as here, InsightDelight. Have a goon one, guys :)**


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